Little Thunderstorms
by just call me Cappy
Summary: A collection of SetsunaxFeldt vignettes.
1. recollections

**Title:** _Little Thunderstorms_**  
Characters/Pairing:** SetsunaxFeldt

**Author's Note:** This is told in Feldt's POV, throughout both seasons. Enjoy~

* * *

One of my earliest memories as a child was standing at the top of a hill somewhere on Earth's surface, staring at the gathering twilight while the evening winds whipped through the tall grass and through my hair.

I was very young at the time, and to this day, I still can't tell why I was there … maybe it was a dream from my childhood, or something I made up when I was young and imaginative, but the memory is still stays. I can still recall the sharp, clear scent of rain in the air, and the cries of birds almost lost in the howling wind.

As I stood there, watching the sun set in the west, storm clouds gathered in the east. Tiny pinpricks of lightning occasionally lit up the dark, bruise-coloured clouds, and the muffled sound of thunder echoed moments after.

I imagined somewhere, far in the horizon, a violent storm was raging, furious and wild, while I stood on this hill far away, only tasting the scent of its ferocity in the carrying wind, only hearing whispers of thunder that must be raging where I can't see.

I'm not sure why I still keep this memory so vividly in my head. But it was the first thing I thought of when I first saw him, walking into the briefing room.

He introduced himself: _Setsuna F. Seiei_, the last Meister to join us. He didn't waste words. He was young, like me, and his eyes were the colour of amber, seemingly regarding everyone with a shrouded distance, as if he were watching us from afar.

As he walked away, following Miss Sumeragi as she showed him through the station, I could under imagine that faraway thunderstorm … muffled thunder and tiny sparks of lightning, all beckoning of something stronger, more powerful, far away.


	2. tears

_He's gone._

All I have left of him is a tiny, mechanical voice, calling his name over and over.

It's the saddest sound in the world.

I cling to my knees, desperately wishing to disappear, wishing for time to stop. I wish I didn't feel so lost. What do I do now? Where do I go? I'm so confused –

I watch the rest grieve. Miss Sumeragi has drowned herself in alcohol, and her eyes look blank when someone calls her. I saw Allelujah in the canteen, head in his hands, as he has been for hours. I thought I heard Tieria sobbing, but he's so good at hiding his feelings.

I feel numb. I carry out my duties as usual, avoiding the worried glances Christina throws at me, ignoring how everyone delicately avoids conversation unless it is absolutely necessary. Things are cold between the Meisters. Loss hangs heavy in the air.

I stand at one of the Ptolemaios balcony, looking out into the abyss of space, thinking about nothing at all. If I stare long and hard enough at the infinite multitude of stars, I can almost imagine that I'm not really here – I can almost believe that I'm not really Feldt Grace, that I'm not really alive, that I don't really exist. And I never met a man named Lockon Stratos.

There is a quiet hiss of air as the door to the balcony slides open. Slowly, as if moving through water, I turn.

Setsuna is standing there. He carries the same look of quiet contemplation on his face, betraying none of his feelings. I wonder how he does it. I wonder if he ever feels anything, under that mask.

He says my name, gently. Almost whispers it.

I meet him with silence.

We stand there, in the starlit half-light, and I imagine we are underwater, and all sound is swallowed by the currents, leaving nothing but dark, slow silence. Setsuna doesn't say anything, doesn't move. He blinks, and I see it almost in slow-motion, the falling of his dark lashes over his bronze-coloured eyes.

His lips part, just a little. His eyes seem to flicker, faintly, reflecting the light of the stars.

It's only when he casts his gaze down, and he turns, and he doesn't look back as he walks away do I realize: _I wanted him to stay._

"Setsuna." The sound of my voice startles me. As I raise my fingers to my lips does realization dawn on me -- _He had come to apologize_. He had come looking for me. Lockon had meant so much to him, and yet, he had come to find me.

And suddenly, the tears I thought I had kept locked away forever burst forth, and I was sobbing, on my knees and unable to stop. But this time, I was crying for completely different reasons.


	3. calm before the storm

"We will change.

"We won't be suited for the future if we don't change."

It could have been the way he was standing, or the timbre in his voice, or the way his eyes gazed forward and unwavering that reminded me so much of the man we had lost.

But Setsuna wasn't Lockon. No, he was Setsuna, and those were his words.

He looked different now – taller, more commanding, his influence filling the room.

As I looked at him, I wondered, _when was it that we had grown up? When was the exact moment we had stopped being children, and accepted the roles of adults? When did we change?  
_

The mission was about to start.

I wanted to see Setsuna. There were only moments to spare, and Sumeragi blinked in surprise when I asked to be excused for a while, but even _I_ couldn't explain this urgent need to see him. To explain to him. To thank him, for giving us this direction, this future.

I was already waiting as he was heading up the hall towards his Gundam. I knew I wouldn't have the time or the words to explain it properly, but I still wanted him to understand.

My heart was beating so fast.

He accepted the little yellow flower Linda had given me without much word, his expression betraying nothing. A brief thought flashed through my mind – what if he misunderstood?

"I wonder if Lady Marina would mind this …" I bit my lip, upset by the thought.

Setsuna looked at me, straightforward, and he almost seemed comforting. "She and I don't have that sort of relationship."

I looked up and saw his eyes, and briefly, I thought I saw a smile flash through them, but the moment was over in an instant.

"I'm going to my Gundam now."

The sound of thunder was loud in my ears, and I could almost feel the sensation of rain sliding down my skin, could almost see lightning tear across the heavens. The storm which had been so far away was enveloping me now, and I felt breathless.

Panic rose in my body. I was afraid. I wondered if this was the last time I would see him – if the last few remnants I got from him was this image of his retreating back, instead of a small, metallic voice repeating his name. I almost wanted to reach out and stop him, but I knew that was out of the question.

"Setsuna –" I called, the words slipping from my mouth, every emotion I had felt up until that moment compressed into two words: "Don't die!"

He turned. Even before he spoke, I knew he had understood. I was able to reach him. And somehow, just like I could understand how a storm I could barely see could be raging so many miles away, I knew we both wanted the same future.

He wouldn't die. He wouldn't leave us.

The relief was overwhelming.


End file.
